Beyond Stages: Why Grief Spirals Matter In Your Grief Process | Grief

The grief process isn't the neat five-stage journey we've been led to believe. For decades, we've embraced Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's famous stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—as the roadmap through loss. But if you've ever experienced profound grief, you know there's nothing linear about it. Instead of moving steadily forward, the grief process resembles something more like a spiral—we cycle through emotions repeatedly, though their intensity gradually changes over time. This more accurate model offers both validation and hope for those navigating the messy reality of emotional healing techniques after loss.

Think about your own experience with grief. One day, you might feel you've reached acceptance, only to be blindsided by intense anger the next. This isn't a setback—it's the natural rhythm of healing. Understanding grief as a spiral rather than a straight line transforms how we approach our emotional landscape during difficult times.

The spiral model validates what many instinctively feel: healing isn't about "getting over" loss but learning to integrate it into our lives in meaningful ways. This perspective offers a more compassionate framework for the grief process—one that honors its complexity rather than trying to simplify it.

Understanding the Grief Process as a Spiral

When we visualize the grief process as a spiral, we recognize that we revisit similar emotional territories repeatedly—but from different elevations. Each time we circle back to sadness, anger, or confusion, we experience it with new perspective and often less intensity. The spiral model acknowledges both the recurring nature of grief and its gradual transformation.

Research increasingly supports this non-linear understanding. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that grief emotions fluctuate significantly over time, with participants reporting multiple cycles through various emotional states rather than a progressive movement through distinct stages.

The Science Behind Grief Spirals

Neurologically, grief processing makes sense as a spiral. Our brains form strong neural pathways around significant relationships. When loss occurs, these pathways don't immediately disappear—they gradually reorganize as we process emotional experiences repeatedly from different perspectives.

Why Linear Models Fall Short

Linear grief models can inadvertently create additional suffering. When someone believes they should be "past anger" or "in acceptance" but suddenly experiences intense sadness again, they might think something's wrong with their grief process. The spiral model eliminates this self-judgment by normalizing the recurrence of emotions as natural and expected.

This understanding also helps us develop more realistic expectations. Instead of waiting to "complete" grief, we recognize that certain aspects of loss may always trigger emotional responses—though their intensity typically diminishes with time and processing.

Navigating Your Grief Process Through Spirals

Recognizing where you are in your grief spiral starts with developing emotional awareness. When intense feelings arise, try this simple practice: pause, name the emotion without judgment, and remind yourself, "This is part of my spiral, not a setback." This small shift transforms recurring emotions from frustrations into signposts of your healing journey.

One powerful technique for managing intense emotional returns is the "both/and" approach. When grief resurfaces strongly, acknowledge both your pain AND your progress: "I'm feeling deep sadness today AND I've learned how to carry this grief more gently than before." This balanced perspective honors your current experience while recognizing your growth.

Movement often proves essential for processing grief effectively. When emotions feel overwhelming, engage your body through walking, stretching, or even gentle dancing. Physical movement helps process emotions that might otherwise remain stuck, creating flow in both body and mind. This science of emotional flow demonstrates how physical engagement can shift our psychological state.

Remember that each spiral through the grief process offers an opportunity for deeper integration. Each time you revisit an emotion, you have the chance to understand it more fully, respond to it more compassionately, and incorporate your loss into your life story with greater meaning.

The spiral model reminds us that grief isn't something to "get through" but rather an ongoing process that gradually transforms. By embracing this understanding, we free ourselves from the pressure of linear progress and honor the unique, cyclical nature of our grief process. This perspective doesn't just validate our experience—it provides a more accurate and compassionate framework for healing after loss.