Comforting Words to Say to Someone That Has Lost Someone: Age-Appropriate Guide

Knowing what to say to someone that has lost someone becomes especially challenging when that someone is a child. Children process grief differently than adults, and finding the right words requires understanding their developmental stage. When supporting grieving children, your approach needs to be both compassionate and age-appropriate to help them navigate the complex emotions that accompany loss.

Children's grief often manifests in ways that might surprise adults—through play, behavioral changes, or seemingly unrelated questions. Finding effective what to say to someone that has lost someone strategies for children means meeting them where they are developmentally. This guide offers practical approaches for managing difficult conversations with children of different ages, providing you with the tools to support them through one of life's most challenging experiences.

When considering what to say to someone that has lost someone, remember that children need honest, simple explanations that they can process at their own pace. Your words become their framework for understanding loss, making your role crucial in their healing journey.

What to Say to Someone That Has Lost Someone: Understanding Children's Grief by Age

Children's comprehension of death evolves as they grow, which directly impacts what to say to someone that has lost someone in each age group:

Preschoolers (Ages 3-5)

At this age, children view death as temporary and reversible. When determining what to say to someone that has lost someone this young, use concrete language and avoid euphemisms:

• "Grandpa's body stopped working. His heart doesn't beat anymore, and he can't breathe, eat, or talk."
• "When someone dies, they don't come back."

Expect repeated questions as preschoolers process information in small chunks. Their grief may appear intermittent—playing happily one moment, asking profound questions the next.

Elementary-Age Children (6-9)

These children begin to understand death's permanence but may still believe it's avoidable or happens only to others. Effective what to say to someone that has lost someone approaches include:

• "Dad died because he was very sick with cancer. Not all sicknesses lead to death. When you get a cold, you get better."
• "It's not your fault. Nothing you thought, said, or did caused this to happen."

Children this age often worry about who will care for them and may fear that other loved ones will die too. They need reassurance about their security and relationships.

Pre-teens and Teenagers (10-18)

Adolescents understand death similarly to adults but may struggle with existential questions and intense emotions. When considering what to say to someone that has lost someone in this age group:

• "It's okay to feel angry/sad/nothing at all. There's no right way to grieve."
• "I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk, but it's also okay if you prefer talking to your friends."

Teens may swing between childlike responses and mature coping mechanisms. They benefit from having some control over how they participate in memorial rituals.

Helpful Words to Say to Someone That Has Lost Someone vs. Phrases to Avoid

Choosing the right words matters tremendously when supporting grieving children. Here are specific what to say to someone that has lost someone tips that provide comfort:

Supportive Phrases

• "I'm here for you, and we'll get through this together."
• "It's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. All your feelings are important."
• "Would you like to draw a picture/write a letter to express how you're feeling?"
• "Let's remember some special times we had with [person who died]."

These approaches acknowledge feelings while offering concrete ways to process grief that are developmentally appropriate.

Phrases to Avoid

Certain common expressions can confuse or frighten children when used as what to say to someone that has lost someone:

• "Grandma went to sleep forever." (May cause fear of bedtime)
• "We lost Uncle Jim." (Children may think the person can be found)
• "God needed another angel." (May cause children to fear being "needed" next)
• "Be strong for your mom/dad." (Places unfair burden on children)

Beyond words, meaningful gestures often communicate more than language can. Creating memory boxes, looking at photos together, or establishing simple remembrance rituals provides children with tangible ways to maintain connections with their loved ones.

When determining what to say to someone that has lost someone who's a child, remember that honesty, consistency, and presence matter most. Children need to know they can trust you with their questions and feelings, however they express them. By tailoring your what to say to someone that has lost someone approach to their developmental stage, you provide the supportive foundation they need to navigate grief in healthy ways that will serve them throughout life.