What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Someone: Supporting Grieving Colleagues

When a colleague experiences loss, most of us freeze. We want to help, but we're terrified of what to say to someone who has lost someone in a professional setting. The workplace adds layers of complexity to an already difficult situation—we're caught between genuine compassion and professional boundaries, between wanting to acknowledge their pain and worrying about making them uncomfortable. This unique challenge leaves many of us saying nothing at all, which ironically creates more awkwardness than a well-intentioned, imperfect attempt at support.

The truth is, supporting grieving colleagues doesn't require perfect words or grand gestures. What matters most is showing up with authenticity and respect for their experience. Understanding what to say to someone who has lost someone starts with recognizing that your colleague needs both acknowledgment of their loss and space to navigate work on their own terms. This guide offers practical, actionable strategies for providing meaningful support without crossing boundaries or adding pressure during an already overwhelming time.

Before diving into specific phrases and approaches, remember that managing your own emotional responses helps you show up more effectively. Your genuine presence matters more than rehearsed perfection.

What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Someone: The First Conversation

The initial conversation sets the tone for ongoing support. Keep it simple, genuine, and brief. "I'm so sorry for your loss" remains effective because it acknowledges pain without demanding anything in return. Personalize it slightly: "I'm so sorry about your mom" or "I was sad to hear about your partner." This shows you're paying attention without prying for details.

Knowing what to say to someone who has lost someone means understanding what not to say. Avoid phrases that minimize their experience or impose timelines on grief. Skip "They're in a better place," "Everything happens for a reason," or "At least they lived a long life." These statements, however well-intentioned, can feel dismissive. Also avoid comparing their loss to your own experiences—this moment isn't about you.

Phrases That Work

Try these genuine expressions of sympathy at work: "I don't have the right words, but I'm thinking of you," "Please know I'm here if you need anything," or simply "I'm sorry you're going through this." The beauty of these phrases is their honesty—they acknowledge the inadequacy of words while expressing care.

What to Avoid

Steer clear of questions that require emotional labor: "How are you holding up?" puts them in the position of managing your comfort. Don't ask for details about the death or funeral unless they volunteer them. And resist the urge to share silver linings or lessons—grief isn't a teaching moment.

Knowing What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Someone in Ongoing Interactions

The weeks following a loss often feel lonelier than the initial period. Everyone else moves on while your colleague still carries their grief to work daily. This is where sustained support through practical help matters most. Instead of vague "Let me know if you need anything," offer specific assistance: "I'm happy to cover your Tuesday meeting" or "Want me to handle the client emails this week?"

Supporting colleagues through grief means reading their cues. Some days they'll want normalcy and work talk; other days they'll need acknowledgment. A simple "Thinking of you today" text shows you haven't forgotten. When developing emotional awareness skills, you'll better recognize when someone needs space versus connection.

Offering Practical Help

Concrete support reduces their mental load. Bring them lunch without asking first. Take notes in meetings they attend. Handle administrative tasks that don't require their input. These actions demonstrate care through deeds, not just words, and they're often more valuable than knowing exactly what to say to someone who has lost someone.

Long-Term Support

Check in after a month, then three months. "I know it's been a few weeks—how are you doing?" acknowledges that grief doesn't follow workplace timelines. Remember significant dates like birthdays or anniversaries of the loss. This sustained attention shows genuine care beyond performative sympathy.

What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Someone: Creating a Supportive Environment

The most powerful support often comes through consistent small gestures rather than perfect words. Making coffee for them, respecting their privacy in group settings, or simply sitting quietly together during lunch creates a supportive environment. These moments build trust and show that you're comfortable with their grief, which gives them permission to be authentic at work.

Developing emotional intelligence at work means recognizing that listening matters more than speaking. When your colleague does want to talk, resist the urge to fix, advise, or redirect. Just listen. Your presence and attention provide more comfort than any carefully crafted phrase about what to say to someone who has lost someone.

Building these skills helps you navigate not just workplace grief, but all difficult emotional moments with confidence and compassion. Ready to develop deeper emotional support strategies that transform how you show up for others? Understanding what to say to someone who has lost someone is just the beginning of becoming the colleague—and person—others can count on during life's hardest moments.