Anger

Solidarity

What struggle with anger do you want to get off your chest?

Many people face a significant struggle with anger, an emotion that, while natural, can become overwhelming and destructive when not managed effectively. It can strain relationships, impact self-esteem, and lead to regrettable actions. Understanding that you're not alone in this struggle can be a powerful first step toward healing and change.

We asked our community to share their personal experiences with anger, creating a space for vulnerability and mutual support. The responses highlighted the diverse ways anger manifests and the common challenges people face, from lashing out at loved ones to internal battles with guilt and self-criticism.

Key themes emerged, including the detrimental impact of anger on relationships, the feeling of losing control followed by intense regret, difficulties in communication during moments of anger, and the pain of specific triggers like feeling unheard or mistreated. These shared experiences underscore the need for compassion, understanding, and practical strategies for managing this powerful emotion.

Common Experiences with Anger Shared by Our Community

Feeling anger negatively impacts cherished relationships.
Experiencing a loss of control during anger, often leading to saying hurtful things or acting out.
Struggling with intense guilt, shame, and self-hatred after an angry outburst.
Difficulty seeing other perspectives or communicating effectively when angry.
Specific situations, like feeling unheard, disrespected, or dealing with perceived injustice, frequently trigger anger.

Our community discussed

How Does the Struggle With Anger Damage Relationships?

Many shared how their anger creates distance and pain in their relationships with partners, family, and children. This often involves saying hurtful things, stonewalling, or creating a volatile environment, leading to cycles of conflict and regret.

Lydia

7 months ago

My anger hurts my relationship with the people I care most about

315

Jesus

7 months ago

I get angry when someone calls me out on something, and usually that’s my girlfriend. I try not to show when I’m upset but I get quiet and start stonewalling, which I hate... It’s just hard sometimes and when my spouse sees that I’m upset then she gets upset because I’m not addressing the issue and it just snowballs from there.

288

Laurie

7 months ago

I get angry when I am doing my best to maintain my composure and my spouse hardly identifies his own short comings in this department... His defensiveness then triggers my defensiveness and then our household is on fire and I’ve taken 10 steps backwards because of it.

271

amanda

7 months ago

I hate it when i have short patience with my children or when i loose my temper. Its not OK

305

Our community discussed

What Does It Feel Like to Lose Control to Anger and Face the Guilt?

A common struggle involves feeling overwhelmed by anger to the point of losing control, saying or doing things they later deeply regret. This loss of control is often followed by intense feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing, creating a painful cycle.

Siobhan

7 months ago

For no reason I become belittling and will say anything to make someone’s feeling hurt.

261

Derya

8 months ago

I hate myself after I lost control and just freaked out cause i exploded again

322

Katherine

5 months ago

I have a control problem. I really try and catch myself but sometime I feel so on “anger auto pilot” all the time it is hard. I will not stop trying though. I don’t want to be like this forever.

295

Cristy

8 months ago

The guilt and shame I feel for loosing control of my anger in my girls

330

Our community discussed

Why Do I Get Angry When Feeling Unheard or Disrespected?

Many people find their anger is triggered by feeling dismissed, unheard, lied to, or treated unfairly. This can stem from perceived double standards, unrealistic expectations, or others not acknowledging their feelings or efforts.

Marily

7 months ago

I get angry when people lie to me, when is clear they are pretending, when they hide things from me and i know already, I feel they are taking me for stupid and I can get salty aggressive vigilant I want to stop reacting in this ways and just let it be or let it go.

240

Karma

7 months ago

i get angry when i feel like im not being heard and feel as if my feelings dont matter at all.

301

Destani

5 months ago

I struggle with injustice and feeling mistreated. I don’t know how to let things go unless I feel closure or validation.

215

Alessia

7 months ago

I really hate having to repeat myself because it feels like people are not listening or they are willfully choosing to not listen because they want to do what they want to do... I feel as adults this should not happen and it creates unnecessary problems that are easily solvable.

198

Our community discussed

How Does Anger Affect Communication and Perspective?

When anger takes over, it often narrows perspective, making it difficult to see situations from others' viewpoints or communicate constructively. This can lead to selfishness, defensiveness, and difficulty de-escalating conflicts.

Aliyah

7 months ago

I need to be able to see from a lens other than my own during anger. I am pretty selfish when angry.

277

Brittany

7 months ago

I don’t see multiple points of views initially when I’m angry and in the heat of the moment. I also get super defensive; even when I want to get a point across

235

Noelle

7 months ago

When I fight with my spouse all I see is the lies, the yelling and blaming. I immediately take it personal and defend. I need to learn to step back and understand he cannot communicate appropriately but his intentions really aren’t about me, they are about him.

259

Akeylah

6 months ago

I don’t see other peoples point of view when I get angry and I stay angry for a long period of time. Then I feel bad for being angry... I hate that anger is my first response always.

218

Advice from our community

How to Cope With the Struggle With Anger Based on Real Experiences

Practice Self-Compassion and Patience: Recognize that change takes time. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge the effort you're putting in, even when you stumble (Jesus, Katherine). Forgive yourself for mistakes.
Increase Trigger Awareness: Work on identifying the subtle signs and situations that lead to anger before you become enraged. Acknowledging these early cues gives you a chance to intervene (Natalie, Ruben).
Challenge Your Perspective: Actively try to see the situation from another person's viewpoint, even when angry (Aliyah, Brittany). Question whether you are taking things too personally and try to understand the other person's intentions or struggles (Noelle, Peta).
Develop Calming Techniques: Practice stepping back, taking a break, or using specific relaxation techniques when you feel anger rising (Andrew, A, Mariah). Walking away to breathe is a valid coping mechanism, not running away.
Focus on Action, Not Just Learning: While understanding anger is helpful, actively choosing a different response (like listening instead of defending) in the heat of the moment is what truly makes a difference (Mariah).