Anger

Solidarity

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What do you often get angry about?

Understanding what triggers anger is a crucial step towards managing our emotional responses and improving our relationships. Anger, while a natural human emotion, can sometimes feel overwhelming or lead to unwanted conflict. Recognizing the specific situations, interactions, or feelings that provoke anger allows us to address the root causes rather than just reacting in the moment.

To explore this common human experience, we asked our community, "What do you often get angry about?" We wanted to create a space for shared understanding and solidarity, acknowledging that many people grapple with similar frustrations. Hearing from others can validate our own feelings and offer new perspectives on managing this powerful emotion.

Several key themes emerged from the candid responses. Many people shared that feeling unheard, disrespected, or invalidated is a major trigger. Others pointed to a loss of control, unmet expectations, and the frustrations of daily life, including relationship dynamics and feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated.

Common Anger Triggers Shared by Our Community

Feeling unheard, dismissed, or invalidated in conversations, especially with partners or family.
Losing control over situations, facing unexpected changes, or dealing with unmet expectations from others or oneself.
Relationship conflicts, including perceived lack of effort, dishonesty, unequal responsibilities, or gaslighting behaviours.
Feeling overwhelmed by stress, overstimulation, daily demands, or the actions (or inaction) of others like colleagues or family members.
Experiencing disrespect, patronizing behaviour, or having personal boundaries crossed.

Our community discussed

How Does Feeling Unheard or Disrespected Trigger Anger?

A common thread in the discussion was the intense frustration and anger that arises from feeling dismissed, ignored, or invalidated. When our thoughts, feelings, or experiences aren't acknowledged or are actively undermined, it can feel deeply disrespectful and trigger a strong emotional response.

Samantha

8 months ago

Not feeling heard or understood by my partner.

283

Lynn

7 months ago

Being interrupted or someone not listening to what I am saying

215

Kaiya

8 months ago

Being called sensitive when I’m expressing something thats bothering me.

311

Zoe

8 months ago

Behaviour that I perceive as disrespectful or patronising

198

Nathan

5 months ago

Being dismissed and ignored like I’m insignificant to the situation….

162

Our community discussed

Why Does Losing Control or Facing Unmet Expectations Trigger Anger?

Many shared that anger surfaces when they lose control over a situation, face unexpected delays, or feel overwhelmed by tasks. This can stem from others' incompetence, lateness, or simply having too much on one's plate without the ability to manage it effectively.

Johan

8 months ago

Loose controle

110

Begüm

8 months ago

Ich werde oft wütend, wenn ich keine Kontrolle habe über eine Situation. Im Unwissen bin und das Gefühl habe die dumme zu sein.

155

Alex

5 months ago

I tend to get angry when I have too much to do and then more gets added to it or something is stopping me from doing it.

290

Sophie

8 months ago

Waiting for someone. I HATE when someone is late. That triggers me a lot

325

Elysia

8 months ago

Time and scheduling changes/delays that make me feel unprioritized and disrespected.

240

Our community discussed

What Relationship Issues Often Trigger Anger?

Interactions with partners, family, or close relations were frequently cited sources of anger. Common triggers include perceived lack of effort, dishonesty, broken promises, unequal distribution of household labor, defensiveness during arguments, and feeling manipulated or gaslit.

Avalon

7 months ago

When someone’s actions don't match their words. Don't say things you don't mean and be real about it.

276

Lauren

8 months ago

I do everything in our house and I mean EVERYTHING, all while holding down a full time job. I ask my husband to do the simplest thing and 9/10 it will never get done…

341

Renee

5 months ago

When my partner and I argue it’s been only about what he has done to hurt my feelings. When I explain, he doesn’t listen and always gives an excuse or has something to say to justify it and I feel like he doesn’t understand me and then I start to feel so many bad emotions and start getting angry snd shout because I feel that’s how I need to get my point across to make him understand.

305

Unicorn

7 months ago

My partner questioning my reality. Him saying „That never happened“ you are imagining things- „I believe you believe it happened“... My partner when he tells me that „ that sentence is not hurtful“ when I say I felt hurt when I heard what he said... My partner when he gets mad at me for not excecuting household chores to his standards.

330

Our community discussed

Can Overstimulation and Daily Stress Trigger Anger?

Feeling overwhelmed by sensory input, mental load, parenting stress, or the accumulation of small daily frustrations can significantly lower one's tolerance and make anger more likely. This sense of being 'burnt out' or constantly overstimulated was a recurring theme.

Natalie

8 months ago

I also get angry when I feel overstimulated. And I also get angry over things that happened and I didn’t respond in the right way, so I go over it in my head too much.

265

Cat

7 months ago

Being overstimulated constantly

188

heather

6 months ago

My lack of progress or inability to complete my to do list . My crippling anxiety and the state of my abdomen after surgeries .

195

Galaxycupcake

6 months ago

I am really burnt out by everything yet I still get asked to carry more than I can. I hate this I cant calm myself, because I feel like anger is a feeling that many people pretend that it does not exist, but it does. It tells that something is wrong.

258

Advice from our community

How to Understand and Manage Your Anger Triggers Based on Real Experiences

Identify Your Patterns: Pay attention to recurring situations or feelings that precede anger (e.g., feeling unheard, overwhelmed, controlled). Recognizing these patterns is the first step, as many commenters implicitly highlighted by sharing their specific triggers.
Communicate Needs and Boundaries: Many anger triggers stem from unmet needs or crossed boundaries (e.g., partners not helping, being interrupted, feeling disrespected). Practice articulating your needs clearly and setting firm boundaries, as suggested by experiences like Lauren's or Erika's.
Address the Feeling Underneath: Anger often masks other emotions like hurt, fear, frustration, or feeling overwhelmed (as seen in Renee's or Galaxycupcake's comments). Try to identify the underlying feeling to address the root cause.
Manage Overstimulation and Stress: Recognize when you're feeling overloaded or overstimulated, as Cat and Natalie mentioned. Build in strategies to decompress, take breaks, or reduce sensory input before reaching a boiling point.
Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts: Sometimes anger is fueled by interpretations of events (e.g., assuming someone is late because they don't care, as Sophie and Cristy discussed). Question these assumptions and consider alternative explanations, like Stefanie's point about ADHD and time management struggles.

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